


Hold Me

by missmichellebelle



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, car crash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-09
Updated: 2012-07-09
Packaged: 2017-12-20 11:11:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/886577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missmichellebelle/pseuds/missmichellebelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"For the rest of my life, okay?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hold Me Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I held him close, I kissed him our last kiss. I found the love that I knew I had missed. And now he’s gone, even though I held him tight. I lost the love of my life that night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Pearl Jam's "Last Kiss."

"You are very distracting," Blaine laughed as Kurt kissed up the side of his neck, giggling as he did so. “And very,  _very_  drunk."

"Well, I always have to be the designated driver. It’s your turn." Kurt sucks a hot kiss behind Blaine’s ear. “And I’m not  _that_  drunk."

"Still distracting," Blaine mutters, his voice rough.

"Distracting enough to make you drive home faster?" Kurt purrs, catching Blaine’s earlobe between his teeth. “Oh, the things I want to do to you, Blaine Anderson."

"Yes, yes, home. Faster. Now will you sit down?" Blaine laughs, pushing at Kurt’s shoulder until he’s laughing too. “It’s hard enough to drive in this rain without you ruining my concentration."

Kurt holds his hands up apologetically, but is still grinning mischievously.

"Blaine, you’ve never even gotten a  _parking_  ticket. You even have snow chains on your tires as soon as they even announce the first snowfall, never mind that they’re  _wrong_  eighty percent of the time."

"Yes, well, I learned from the best." Blaine smiles over at him. “Anyways, you can never be too careful."

He see’s Kurt mocking him out of the corner of his eye, mouthing Blaine’s previous sentence and he smiles.

"You’re a jerk."

"You love me anyways."

Blaine glances at him, smiling softly, and reaching across the center console to take his hand.

"Yes I do."

It lingers heavily in the car for a moment, the kind of heavy that isn’t suffocating or stifling but snug, filling in every empty crevice until the word empty doesn’t have a meaning anymore. Blaine has never felt as full as he does in his entire life as he does when he’s with Kurt.

"Hey, Blaine…" Kurt says softly, gripping Blaine’s hands tightly.

"Hmm?"

"I—Blaine." Kurt’s voice turns panicked. Blaine furrows his eyebrows, searching the road in front of him when his headlights catch a flash of navy blue.

A stalled car.

“ _Shit_."

Kurt screams.

*

When Blaine comes to the rain is beating steadily against the side of his face. His body hurts so bad he’s almost numb with the pain of it all, his brain muddled to the point that he has no idea how he’s lying in the middle of the road. Remembers swerving the car, the sound of breaking glass, Kurt screaming…

 _Kurt_.

He gasps in pain as he shifts. There’s glass everywhere and he can feel tiny pieces of it embedded in his arms, stinging him with every infinitesimal movement. He can hardly open his eyes, is vaguely aware that he’s bleeding somewhere along his scalp and it’s making it harder for him to concentrate and see. But he does see—blurry, hazy, hardly there images through the rainfall. There are people there. Lots of people.

 _Kurt_.

Blaine lifts himself, hissing at the strain it puts on his arms, looking around and trying to see Kurt. Because he will always see Kurt, always.

 _There you are_.

"Kurt," he gasps quietly. He isn’t far, a few feet, face down on the road and horribly, horribly still. “Kurt." He can’t lift himself, can’t stand up, doesn’t want to imagine it. So he crawls, nearly screaming as the glass drives further and further into his skin. But he doesn’t care.

When he’s closer he can see Kurt’s face turned towards him; it’s not covered in blood the way Blaine’s most certainly is and Blaine feels relief wash through him.  _He’s okay, he’s okay, he’s okay_.

"Kurt."

Kurt’s eyes flutter open slowly and he winces away from the pain.

 _I need to get him help, he needs help_.

Blaine can feel himself crying from the pain now as he tries to sit, just sit, he doesn’t need to stand, just needs to get Kurt off the ground and closer to him.

"Blaine."

There’s a strange quality to Kurt’s voice, like he’s drowning.

"I’m here, I’m here."

He grits his teeth as he shifts upwards, can feel the warmth of the blood rushing from the wound on his head more easily.

"Blaine?"

"Shh, shh, I’m here." Blaine settles on his knees, doesn’t want to try getting into a more comfortable position, and slowly shifts Kurt on his side. Dread crushes through him at the dark spot swelling low over Kurt’s stomach, seeping through even his jacket.  _Oh god, oh god oh god oh god_. He gently lifts Kurt’s head, pulling him closer, pulling his hand away when he feels a wetness on the back of Kurt’s head.

More blood.

"Blaine."

"I’m here, I’m here." Blaine can feel the grief start to strangle his throat, cutting off his airways.

"Okay." Kurt’s body relaxes. “Hold me close? Just for a little while?" Kurt’s voice is quieter, less desperate.

"Okay, baby, okay. Just stay with me, alright?  _Stay with me_."

Kurt opens his eyes, looks up at Blaine.

"Of course."

Blaine brushes at Kurt’s face, shifting so he can rest Kurt’s body weight against him.

"Help will be here soon, okay? So stay with me. Just stay with me until then, okay? And everything will be alright, it will be fine, we’ll be okay," Blaine babbles. Kurt just rests his head back staring up at Blaine through slightly glazed eyes. He smiles softly.

"I’m going to marry you," Kurt says softly, and Blaine lets out a choked sob, kissing the top of Kurt’s head.

"I’m going to marry you, too. Someday, right? Promise you’ll marry me someday?"

"I… I promise." Blaine takes Kurt’s hand, brings it to his own face and cradles it there. “I love you."

"I love you, too. I love you so much, Kurt." Blaine kisses the inside of Kurt’s hand just to see him smile the way he always smiles when Blaine does it. And Kurt does smile, a shadow of his former smile.

"I’ll never…" Kurt’s voice cuts off with a gasp and he’s silent for a few moments. “I’ll never love…"

"Shh, shh, it’s okay. Save your strength, okay? Tell me later. Tell me later, when we’re at the hospital, save your strength now."

Kurt just nods, falls silent, but that’s worse, so much worse, than Blaine hearing him try to talk.

"Will you kiss me?" Kurt opens his eyes again, struggles to do so. Blaine smiles shakily, kissing Kurt’s hand again.

"Of course, baby. I’ll always kiss you. For the rest of my life, okay?"

Kurt nods and Blaine leans down, kissing him desperately. Wishing, somehow, that it will help. That maybe fairy tales are true and his kiss will make everything go away. But when he opens his eyes, it’s still raining, and Kurt is still dying in his arms.

"For the rest of… My life…" Kurt echoes softly.

"Longer," Blaine promises, the tears gathering in his eyes.

"There isn’t—" Kurt starts to argue, but Blaine kisses him again.

"Yes. Yes there is, Kurt." And Kurt doesn’t argue again.

"Blaine?" His voice is so much weaker, getting weaker still, and Blaine clutches at him tightly. “Will you sing?"

"Only if you sing with me, okay?" Blaine kisses Kurt’s forehead. “You have to sing with me."  _You have to stay with me_.

“ _You think I’m pretty without any makeup on_ ," Kurt sings. Blaine laughs, strangled, wishes Kurt would open his eyes.

“ _You think I’m funny when I tell the punchline wrong_ ," Blaine sings back, his voice congested with tears.

“ _I know you get me, so I let my walls come down_." Kurt smiles and Blaine closes his eyes as he sings.

“ _Before you met me, I was alright, but things were kind of heavy, you brought me to life, now every February, you’ll be my Valentine_."

He waits, waits for Kurt to answer.

“ _Let’s go all… All the way tonight_."

“ _No regrets, just love_."

“ _W-we can… Dance… Until we… Until we die_."

Blaine holds Kurt tightly, so tightly, because as long as he’s holding Kurt, Kurt can’t leave him.

“ _You and I will be young forever. ‘Cause you make me feel like I’m living a teenage dream_."

He can finally hear the sirens, loud over the rain, closes his eyes and wills them to come faster.

But Kurt never sings the next line.

"Kurt?"

 _I lost the love of my life that night_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But in case you don't want Kurt to die, read the next chapter (because I hate leaving things painful this way, apparently).


	2. One Moment More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hold me, even though I know you’re leaving. And show me all the reasons you would stay. It’s just enough to feel your breath on mine, to warm my soul and ease my mind. You’ve gotta hold me and show me now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Mindy Smith's "One Moment More."

They wouldn’t tell him anything.

There’s no wedding band on his finger, nothing to connect Blaine to Kurt. Not in any way the hospital will understand. They’d been pulled apart, but Blaine had held his hand for as long as he was able. Now they won’t tell him anything, list off his own injuries, call his parents. They ask him his blood type, wonder if he’s willing to help with Kurt’s transfusions.

 _Anything, anything, just please. Please save him_.

Kurt lost a lot of blood. That’s all Blaine knows. After all, it was on his hands until a nurse wiped them clean.

Blaine knows he got off easy. Knows that the only reason they’re keeping him overnight is fear of a concussion and to monitor his vitals. Severe bruising and cuts, a nasty gash to his head…

He doesn’t know what happened to Kurt.

When the door finally opens, it’s his mother, a handkerchief already covering her mouth as she rushes inside.

"Oh Blaine," she’s sobbing, reaching out to hug him and he hugs her back stiffly.

"Ow, ow, mom, I’m okay. I’m fine."

She nods against his shoulder, whispers affection and love into his skin and he pets her hair.

"How’s Kurt?" She asks, pulling back, and Blaine’s breath hitches.

"…they won’t tell me anything," Blaine whispers, closing his eyes.

"I saw the Hummels on my way in. In the waiting room," she says softly. “I think he’s still in the ER."

 _Please save him_.

"Mom—" Blaine chokes out, and she’s hugging him again, petting his hair this time.

"Shhhh, he’s going to be okay."

"I need—he needs me, I need to be with him, I need—"

"I know, I know. I’ll take care of it, okay? You rest, you get better." She kisses his forehead, wiping at his tears with her tissue and smiling at him. “Between me and Mr. Hummel, I think we can move mountains."

*

Blaine is moved into a new room. He doesn’t know why, doesn’t question it, just holds his mom’s hand as she walks beside him. She doesn’t speak and he’s grateful; he doesn’t have much to say.

The room has another bed, but it’s empty. Blaine tries not to lose all the hope he had that Kurt would be there, but his mom is powerful, not magic.

She leaves while the nurses set him up, and he goes through the motions with them. He isn’t there, not really. His heart is in another room and he doesn’t know what’s happening to it.

The next time his mother comes in, she’s toting two visitors and Blaine nearly breaks down into tears again. Carole is at his side in moments, shushing him, fretting over him much like his own mother had. Except Carole knows how soft to touch, what certain marks mean, why machines are making certain noises. Blaine doesn’t want to know, so he doesn’t ask.

"Kurt?" Blaine asks as Burt walks closer, wiping at his brow.

"Stabilized."

And Blaine loses it. His mother is there, waiting, catches him as he falls against her and sobs rock through his body. It doesn’t matter that Burt and Carole are there watching him get ripped apart and put back together again.  _Stabilized_. Kurt is  _alive_.

Blaine feels like his heart starts to beat again.

*

His mother shakes him awake.

"Wha—" He asks groggily, head hazy from the medication they have him on. It’s bad enough that the nurses keep waking him up. He doesn’t need his mom disturbing the sleep he desperately needs. But she doesn’t say anything, moves out of his line of sight to gesture towards the other bed.

It’s occupied.

Blaine struggles, tries to get up, and his mom clamps down on his shoulder. He’s stronger than her, but he stops struggling, looking over at Kurt desperately.

"You need to stay here right now, okay? They just moved him in here. It’s a good thing Carole’s a nurse and his father’s a senator." She kisses his forehead again. “Good choice," she teases, and he sinks into the bed.

"No. Lucky," Blaine says, face turned towards Kurt. “He chose me."

*

They tell Blaine he has the option of going home in the morning, that he can rest in his own bed as long as he actually rests. But Blaine tells them no, that he wants to stay. Then his mother helps him into the chair beside Kurt’s bed and he stays there.

He wants to be in the bed, wants to hold Kurt like he promised Kurt he would. Wants to kiss him for the rest of his life, just like he said he would. Wants to marry him.

But he can’t, knows how dangerous it would be. The doctors wouldn’t tell him anything, but Carole leaned down by his shoulder, whispered words like  _punctured_  and  _shards of glass_  and  _hemorrhaging_. Blaine blocks most of it out, because all that matters is that Kurt is alive and Blaine  _can_  hold his hand.

"Why won’t he wake up?" Blaine asks after a few hours, hand still grasping Kurt’s tightly.

"He’s been through a lot. The doctors expect it will take a few days," Burt tells him.

Blaine needs to hear Kurt’s voice, to see him smile and open his eyes. But if he has to wait a few days, he can. It’s better than losing those things forever.

*

"When you wake up," Blaine says, face resting on the mattress as he stares at Kurt’s sleeping face. “When you wake up, I’m going to spend an entire day holding you. I won’t even let you go to the bathroom unless I’m somehow wrapped around you, and you will try to wiggle away from me. But I won’t let you go."

"When you wake up, you’re finally going to teach me how to make banana bread, because you keep wanting to and we always forget."

"When you wake up, I’m going to take you to Cheesecake Factory and we’ll order a slice of every single flavor they have."

"When you wake up, I’m going to kiss every inch of your body and tell you why I love it."

"When you wake up, I’m going to let you get rid of that ratty old sweatshirt I wear when I’m feeling lazy because you hate it, even though I think you actually love it."

"When you wake up, we’re going to go and feed ducks in Central Park."

"When you wake up, we’re going to finally finish the extra room and turn it into an office. And I’ll play music and you’ll sketch and it will be perfect."

"When you wake up, we’re going to arrange a rendez-vous on top of the Empire State Building, only neither of us is going to get hit by a cab or suddenly become Tom Hanks."

"When you wake up, I’m going to take you to Conney Island because I know you’ll love it even if you think it’s gross."

"When you wake up, we should finally take that trip to Paris just like you’ve always wanted."

"When you wake up, we should rush every Broadway show in New York just because we can."

"When you wake up, we should go to Disneyworld."

"When you wake up, I’m going to wake up every morning and kiss you even if you have morning breath."

"When you wake up, I’m going to tell you I love you every time I feel it, which is every second of every day. I can’t breathe without loving you."

"When you wake up, I’m going to cry. Because I always cry when it comes to the thought of losing you."

"When you wake up, I’m going to look at you and fall in love all over again. Just like I do every time I look at you."

"When you wake up, I’m going to ask you to marry me."

*

Blaine isn’t supposed to sleep in the chair, but he does, can’t imagine letting go of Kurt’s hand or being even a centimeter further away from him. He wakes up to fingers moving gently through his hair, groans because why must he mom keep waking him up?

But the fingers move in familiar patterns, ones that are soothing rather than disrupting, and Blaine’s eyes snap open.

"You’re awake."

Kurt’s voice is so weak it almost breaks Blaine in half again, but instead he looks up at Kurt in disbelief and shock.

"Kurt…"

Kurt presses a finger very decisively against Blaine’s lips, as if every movement requires immense concentration. Blaine kisses it and Kurt smiles and Blaine wonders how he would have lived never seeing that smile ever again.

“ _The way you turn me on, I can’t sleep_."

Blaine half laughs, half sobs, grabbing Kurt’s hand and kissing his palm again.

"It’s okay," Kurt says, cupping his cheek. Blaine cries harder at the touch, Kurt’s touch, he almost—

"I thought… I thought you…"

Kurt just shushes him gently, wiping away tears with the backs of his fingers and staring at Blaine so, so intently.

"I know," Kurt whispers. “But I told you. I told you I’d stay with you." Blaine kisses his hand again. “I’ll never love anyone as much as I love you."

Blaine closes his eyes, cries harder, clinging to Kurt’s hand as his thumb continues to brush back and forth against Blaine’s cheek.

"Will you marry me?"

Blaine opens his eyes, looks at Kurt in astonishment.

"Will you?"

Blaine laughs incredulously, wiping furiously at his eyes.

"That’s… I’m supposed to ask  _you_  that."

"I was… Always one step ahead of you." Kurt grins at him sleepily, smugly, and Blaine wants to cry all over again. “Are you going to kiss me or what? I can’t exactly come to you."

Blaine laughs again, standing and hovering over Kurt, cupping his cheek gently until Kurt is smiling.

"In case you missed it, my answer is yes." Blaine touches their foreheads together.

"So is this the first kiss of the rest of my life?" Kurt murmurs.

"No. That kiss happened years and years ago, in a private school, between two boys who changed each other’s lives."

 _It’s just enough to feel your breath on mine, to warm my soul and ease my mind_.


End file.
